Echoes of a Deranged world

Perceptions of Romance Part 3: Terms of Endearment…or insulting name-calling?

DISCLAIMER: Any piece of fruit which you may intend to throw at the writer after this blog should be at least partially rotten or worse, because fresh fruit is somehow exceptionally hard and may lead to serious neurological damage which will cause the demise of yours truly in producing future fine literary commentary.

Moving on,

        Basically the concept of replacing a loved one’s name with a rather playful and coy nickname seems to evoke emotions of intimacy and ‘love’, in a metaphorical manner. For example, the usage of… Darling, Honey buns, sweetheart, cupcake, dear, buttercup, and the list just goes on.

        But the question is, why do people actually engage in the chivalry of name calling? If taken in not so a metaphorical sense, calling your loved one a ‘cupcake’, ‘honey bun’ or ‘sweetie’ would just be referring to that loved one as a morsel of food, don’t you think. Now, how is it romantic to be referred as a piece of food???

(Do you notice how females somehow delight and are totally over the moon at the fact they are called these names but spit and are apprehensive if they are referred to as ‘chick’ or ‘babe’?)

        Not only in the sense of ‘name-replacement’, but various statements which are tendered with romantic inclinations in mind.

       

For example, when a guy says to a girl, “I’ll always love you the way you are, I don’t want you to ever change…”. After a statement such as the above is stated, the girl will just swoon into his arms and a passionate actions will take place (which of course shall not be elaborated at this moment, HEY, there are kids reading this, you know!). When the truth of the matter is that actually people do change…so ermm, if that statement was anything to go by…goodbye at any chance of a fairytale ending…

So it would seem that people do say out of their mouths sometimes( or most of the time), driven by the spur of the moment, rather than contemplating what they actually mean.

        Getting back to the ‘terms of endearment’… Here are a few translations of famously acknowledged ‘terms’:

SWEETHEART= When a guy calls a girl this, is he really referring to her as a diabetic female with an insatiable appetite for sweets and other sugar filled confectioneries ( example A= chocolate) ?

DARLING= A darling is actually a kind of bird, so are we degrading our loved ones to the point that they are actually fit to be called animals …( although I can attest that most guys will be over the moon if they are called ‘Sexy beasts’, so keep it up, girls!)

        What we can derive from the above is that if these names were used upon people in a world without the existence of ‘love’, they can be considered downright ‘degrading’. So the next time you call a loved one by their pet name (NO, not like Spot or Si Comel!, what’s wrong with you?!!!) remember that with a heart of ‘love’, it brings a whole new meaning to words once used to describe animals, food and diabetic case studies…

HINT : Sexy beast is still a firm favourite among the testosterone brimming male loved ones, (although to be called that by a parent, relative or teacher would result in serious psychological trauma…so to all girlfriends and wives out there reading this, YOUR ARSENAL HAS BEEN EXPANDED!)

LET THE ROTTEN TOMATOES START TO FLY!

            It seems that everything has settled( not without a few bruises and black eyes of course), so the interview will continue between Gary and Khin Jin.

Gary

: Why did you choose to write the letter in the 1^st place?

Khin Jin: Well, I just wanted to express my love to …(name shall not be mentioned)

Gary

: You used that word ‘Love’, what is your definition of that?, in the context of a boy-girl relationship of course.

Khin Jin: I think that it’s a feeling that a human being feels when he or she is willing to do whatever it takes to be by that loved one’s side until the day they die. Its also a feeling where you think and dream about that person 24/7 and you can imagine scenarios of how different your life may be with that loved one by your side…and you are willing to give up everything just so that you and that loved one can be together…Its like when you see two sparrows, perched up on a tree branch in a midsummer morning, where there seems not to be a care in the world, lost in the companionship of each other…its like when you see the sunset, and you imagine how its beauty can be enhanced with you sharing its beautiful splendor with a loved one’s shoulder grasped in your arms.

Gary

: You are a hopeless romantic, aren’t you…Well, is that all?

Khin Jin: Yup, that’s pretty much it.

Gary

: What about commitment and the realities of a relationship?

Khin Jin: Huh?

Gary

: Have you ever thought of the realistic side of a relationship, besides the lovey-dovey things which you obviously are so into…

Khin Jin: I’m still not catching your drift…

Gary

: Indeed, what you say is true about that ‘feeling’ part…But there is a whole other facet, a whole other perspective to a relationship than what you can see…

Khin Jin: What else is there?

Gary

: Getting into a relationship is actually getting yourself into a commitment. Obviously, all that you just mentioned are part of the package…but ask yourself the question, Can you juggle this relationship in view of your commitment to your studies, family and friends?

Khin Jin: But love conquers all!!! Doesn’t it?

Gary

: True, but the next question you should be asking is, whose love?

Do you really think that the love of a girlfriend is all you need to fill that emptiness in your heart and give you that ultimate sense of closure?

Khin Jin: Erm, I haven’t really thought about that…

Gary

: What is the main purpose of you wanting to get involved with (name shall not be mentioned) in the first place?

Khin Jin: Because I LOVE (name shall not be mentioned)!!!

Gary

: Khin jin…I know you to well, now seriously, what is it?

Khin Jin: Its because…because…I feel lonely, and sometimes I feel as if the whole world is against me, its like it doesn’t know that I exist…its like I’m invisible and nobody bothers if I’m alive or dead…

Gary

: What about your parents?

Khin Jin: I know they care and love me, but there is still that hole in my heart which is like a vacuum, protruding emptiness, despair, desolation…

Gary

: And you think (name shall not be mentioned) is all you need to fill that hole?

Khin Jin: Well, yeah…with a girlfriend, my life is going to be different…I’ll feel happy all the time and she will be there always to hold me tight and listen to my problems, and help me through them, never leaving my side…and she’ll be there to care for me and love me forever.

Gary

:* Shaking head*…how naïve you are, dear me. (Was I this naïve when I was his age? Oops, dumb question)

Gary

: Well, a girlfriend won’t actually provide you with that love you are seeking…trust me on this…

Khin Jin: Then who else?

Gary: Let me tell you about God, who because He loved you so much, He gave His only son to die for you on the cross, so that, the emptiness which you are feeling in your heart may be fitted with His Love. And, the best thing is, it’s a PERFECT fit…He will also NEVER leave you, even if you act like an insensitive jerk or do whatever mistakes, unlike a girlfriend, who will runaway from you at the first signs of this…trust me…

Khin Jin: So what you are trying to say is that God is the one who can fill that emptiness in my heart and give me TRUE LOVE?

Gary: Yup, not only that, He will also be there to listen to you whenever you are facing those problems, and I GUARANTEE you, you will not feel insignificant or invisible anymore…because you will be loved by GOD for all eternity on earth and in heaven, you will also have fellow Christians who will be there for you to help you through your ‘down’ times.

Khin Jin: Who is this God?

Gary

: His Name is Jesus Christ…and let me tell you, HE is the ONLY ONE in the entire universe that will be able to give you that ‘love’ you are searching for.

Khin Jin: How can I ask Jesus to be part of my life?

Gary

: That’s simple…just repeat after me in this prayer, and mean it with all your heart…

Khin Jin: Okay

IN UNISON:

        Jesus, I acknowledge that I am a sinner,

        And I now invite you to enter into my heart,

        So that you may change my heart and take away all these

        Burdens and pains which I have been holding on for so long,

        Jesus, I pray that today, as I start my journey with you…

        You will teach me the true meaning of LOVE

        In Jesus Name,

        AMEN

Gary: Trust me, you’ve made the right choice…your life as you know it will be so much different from today onwards…everyday will have a purpose for you to live for!

Khin Jin: Thank you

Gary

: Now, shall we indulge in another slapfest?

Khin Jin: YEAH! *SLAP*

        And they lived happily ever after…with God by their side all the way. Stay tuned for another episode in the continuing ‘Perceptions of Romance’ saga.

*Khin Jin finally didn’t end up with the girl and started a ranch in the middle of

Texas

….( just kidding), he actually started one in Ulu Kinta.

Now, as Gary and Khin Jin sits on separate chairs in my computer room, they eye each other warily as if anticipating who’s gonna throw the 1^st punch…and all of a sudden!!!

Gary

: Dude, you’re a sexy beast!

Khin Jin: I Know, you are one too!

        Sigh, if only reality could be that convincing…this is how it really went…

Gary

: Its nice of you to join me for this interview…so thank you

Khin Jin: Well, whatever I do for you I’m actually doing for myself am I not?

Gary

: *SLAP*! Don’t try to be a wise guy, Mister!!!

Khin Jin: Ouch! That hurt!!!

Gary

: (scratching my left cheek) I know…I just had a memory of me slapping you, so that would mean that I slapped myself…

Khin Jin:

Moron

!

*Take note, oh dear reader-of-my-blog, only I and I alone am given the privilege of slapping, causing any physical harm or utter any defamatory remarks upon the earlier version of myself( Cause that would mean I would be doing it unto myself…hmmm). So don’t try to be a wise guy and do the following acts upon me!

Gary

: Well, back to business…so what was going through your mind when you wrote the letter in question?

Khin Jin: Aih, pure ecstasy of emotions, a sensual feeling of care and passion, a momentum building outpouring of my innermost desires, a….

Gary

: *SLAP*

Khin Jin: Ouch! Why did you do that again? Do you take joy in hurting yourself?

Gary

: Hmm…actually I do, but that’s not the case. Just stop it! You are going all mushy feely and …

Khin Jin: *SLAP*, How does it feel to have a taste of your own medicine?

Gary

: BRING IT ON!!!

*Due to civil unrest between the two Garys, the interview will be resumed at a later time when both are emotionally calm and have ended their idiotic slapfest( which by the looks of it, are quite enjoying the whole experience… ‘no pain, no gain’, as they say)

DISCLAIMER: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED DURING THE COURSE OF THIS INTERVIEW…(Why did I insert this disclaimer?, you might ask). Well, because every piece of fiction( or non-fiction) churned out by the mass media does the same…So it’s the polite thing to do!!!

On Wednesday, it was my birthday( you know, the day that signifies 9 months after my parents ‘ahemed’). I ponder at how much I’ve changed from when I was a kid. Reminiscing back then, my perceptions of romance were far from what they are today. So today, you’re all in for a little treat, I’ll be interviewing Gary 2002( a fat, plump, little pimply kid who just kicked into puberty mode, WOW, look at all those raging hormones!) So we’ll just see what a 14 year old’s perception of romance is…The following letter was written(15% heart and 85% hormone influenced I reckon), though never delivered to the girl( thank God, imagine the humiliation), I, Gary 2006 just found the following collection of letters…which shall be called, Da Buaya Code…    

       

       

Dear( name shall not be mentioned),

          How am I to express what I feel? Is it the fear of rejection and emotional turmoil which is the barrier, as if a wall, preventing me from expressing what I truly feel… but If then, the question I ask myself, what is it that I truly ‘feel’? Is it infatuation and admiration at your perfectly toned skin, which radiates in the morning sun? Your captivating eyes which draws mystery and invokes a subtle, yet attractive lure? Or could it be the way you flick your fringe up from your forehead , which seems to open another chapter in the beauty of your perfect face?

          Is it the way you are so serious that sometimes you take a joke literally and seem lost at the hidden meaning behind it, or it could be that spring in your step and smile on your face when you’re happy. It could also well be the cold stares and impending silence, with you staring into nothingness, as if at a lost for words and answers, looking like a little child lost in the mall, when you’re sad.

          All I know is that I have a desire… a need to hold you in my arms, within the confines of an embrace of love to protect you from that which may hurt you…from that which may cause your fragile heart to shatter into a million shards of glass, from that which may take away that glimmer in your eyes every time you smile and laugh.

          Oh, sweet (name shall not be mentioned), to what extent I feel for you is a task too daunting to interpret in words, but what if I ‘feel’ for you is just that, a feeling and nothing more? To what extent do these feelings border on infatuation…or that very subjective word…LOVE?

          Only time will tell, but as you depart on your journey further and further away from me…only memories of what has been and dreams of what’s to come, will be the glue which prevents my heart from shattering not into just a million pieces, but into as many as the stars in the radiant night sky

Love,

(Some stupid nickname I used…haha)

*P.S= none of the contents in the letter were altered from its original context…except for the names…haha

        Now, we have with me in my computer room, Gary 2002,in order to avoid any confusion which may arise between the present and past versions of me, he shall be referred to as Khin Jin.( If you are wondering how any of this is possible…then you probably haven’t watched Superman 3, where Superman and Clark Kent were separated into 2 separate individuals…erm, not that I’m comparing myself to Superman or anything)

The interview will be continued in the next edition of ‘Perceptions of Romance’…This is due to some comments I received that my postings were too long( so you can throw your shoe at the person who posted that!)…

Stay tuned for the continuation of the showdown between

Gary

19 years old( I can drive a car and play guitar!) and Gary 14 year old( I have loads of pimples and my body puts Moby Dick to shame)…

TO BE CONTINUED

*Translated from badly-dubbed mandarin( taken from nearly every korean/japanese romance drama shown on local television…why can’t they translate it into malay or something…oh wait, they tried that with ‘doraemon’ and it was a disaster!)

*SCENARIO 1

Girl: I love you(Cries like a baby)

Boy: I love you(Cries like a baby)

*SCENARIO 2

Girl: I Hate you!!!…*although she really love the dude(Cries like a baby)

Boy: I hate you too!!!…*although he loves her(Cries like a baby)

*SCENARIO 3

Girl: I love you but we can’t be together!(Cries like a baby)

Boy: But…but…!!!( aww, just guess what he’s doing at the moment…yup, you must be the bright one in your family….he’s CRYING LIKE A BABY!!!)

Today, allow me to bring you into a journey of exploration into the ‘disease’ which is now spreading(commonly in romance dramas where the girls are pretty and the guys are prettier than the girls). This ‘Cry Baby Syndrome’ will be aptly named ‘CBS’(so not to inflict anymore stress on my poor fingers typing away on the keyboard).

In order to delve deeper into ‘CBS’, I have with me a specialist in the field of…some scientific term which he told me yet i forgot(but i assure you, it sounded very long and complicated). Ahem, anyway, for the duration of this interview, he has chosen to remain anonymous(for fear of umbrella wielding aunties, who are addicted to the said dramas, beating the living daylights out of him).

Me: Dr, how long has ‘CBS’ been around?

Dr Buaya: Hmm, ‘CBS’ has been around eversince TVB started making low budget romance serials with even lower budget acting quality.

Me: I see…so what can you tell us about ‘CBS’, based on your research?

Dr Buaya: Basically, ‘CBS’ is a chemical transaction of molecularly enchanced hormones among two homosapiens based on the biological imprint of the genectical catalystic process which is….are you still awake?

Me:Zzz…oops, yeah, i was hearing everything you said(while wiping drool away from my face, wow, ‘warm’ drool…Mmm)

Dr Buaya: In layman terms, the guy hormone says to the girl hormone,"Yo, wanna procreate?". In which the girl hormone will be confused at the request and proceed to ‘cry like a baby’ for a while.After the period of crying and confusion passes, she will reply enthusiasticly, "Yup, Lots and lots of babies!!!". In which, the guy hormone will then be freaked out and scared all of a sudden at the task, which will cause him to ‘cry like a baby’.

Me: Wow, that’s an interesting theory…what research have you done to come up with this theory? Are your sources reliable?

Dr Buaya: Well, i have watched in detail every single episode of Full House, Winter Sonata…(and he was stating the names of all the dramas he had ‘researched’ for the next 2 hours) and finally "Doraemon cinta Germaine",just for good measure.

Me: WOW!!! i salute your bravery and courage( standing up, i gave him an army salute of respect).

Dr Buaya: It was torture…but in the name of science!

Me: Very well then, moving on to the next question…HEY!!! you can’t be in here! This is a private interview! SECURITY!!!( as a bunch of umbrella wielding aunties invaded my computer room and started attacking DR Buaya)

Dr Buaya: Ouch, hey stop it….NOOOOO!!!!!( the scream sounded exactly like Luke Skywalker’s scream when he found out that Darth Vader was his father. FYI,some of the umbrella wielding aunties were whacking him with their umbrellas while others were tickling his feet with a feather…THE HORROR!!!!)

Me: What is it that you people want?

Umbrella whacking auntie: Sui Chai, tim kai lei chow kam geh yeh? Lei Chi toe moe? Ngoe tei chung yee tai ‘drama’…hoe Seong Sam geh!( Translation= erm, my cantonese ain’t that good, but I think they were ordering for a plate of wan tan mee, with extra heplings of ‘char siew’)

Dr Buaya: Gary…(holding me as if this was gonna be his last few words before he kicked the bucket..you know, you probably watched this scene a million times on those ‘dramas’.) I don’t think I’m gonna make it…Tell my mother that I love her, and that i …i….urgh.

Time of death: Sunday 10.45 p.m

Cause of death: Tickled to death by feathers, with injuries to the butt by umbrellas.

JUST KIDDING!!!!

Nobody actually dies in my blog(although there is gonna be a recount of it …about someone who died but rose up again 3 days later…hold your breath for it!). Oh yeah, Dr Buaya quit his job after the interview and went to live somewhere in the himalayas to escape from the wrath of the umbrella wielding aunties.

So that was that, the interview ended disastorously with the invasion of the umbrella wielding aunties. In conclusion, it seems that ‘CBS’ isnt romance at all…but a marketing ploy by the media, involving large purchases of ‘Eye Mo’ to make the actors cry and using cheesy ‘background’ music everytime an intimate moment comes on.

Join me next week on part 2 of the mini-series, Perception of Romance, in order to find out what ‘love’ really is about….for now i have to go buy some wan tan mee in order to get rid of the umbrella wielding aunties…

With such an innocent and potentially lame caption, one would think that there wouldn’t be an interesting story to tell. Perhaps it is the connotation that ‘Oh, what in the world can he talk about a bag?’.

  Well, the scenario starts as such….

          My dad’s old friend came over from Switzerland to stay over at my house for the duration of a month and I applaud her perseverance .(you know, putting up with ‘over-compensating’ Malaysian manners…do you want to eat breakfast?brunch?lunch….and so on…is it just me or do chinese families practically eat in every waking minute?). Anyway, she gave me with this sling bag which she bought when she stopped over in

Germany

and in my honest opinion, it’s a delightful little thing with black and white stitching and a simple yet creative ‘airport signs’ design.

          Holding the gift as I would hold a newborn baby, (not that anybody would trust me to actually hold their newborn baby…or worse, holding my own future newborn baby…yeah, you can stop laughing now!) I actually studied it with great detail and in my mind, started to form the situations of which I would put its functions to best use…(you know, like putting stuff in it and carrying it around…).

          Fast forward to Saturday during my youth meeting( Location:

Church

of

Praise

, Objective: Having a rocking good time with God, Purpose of typing this: COME JOIN US AND HAVE A ROCKING GOOD TIME TO!). Well back to the blog, so I was casually strutting into church with this new bag( lets name it Germaine…you know, so not to hurt its feelings or anything) when I noticed that my friends were giving me a ‘look’. Now I have received ‘looks’ before, albeit not so positive ones. One would usually associate ‘looks’ with a compliment such as ‘Hey, that’s a retro looking bag’, or ‘Hey, an 8 out of 10 on the stylo metre’…but no, it’s the curse of being Gary… the ‘looks’ actually meant, ‘Hey, isn’t that a girl’s bag?’ and ‘Hey, eewww’.

          Don’t get me wrong, the youths aren’t meticulous little gremlins who dissect every single foray of fashion and the such…they are actually wonderful people who love God and that’s their main purpose of being there. But being me, they actually have a past time of deriving pleasure from commenting on the way I dress, the way I walk , the way I squat(or incapability of) and finally my lack of proficiency in the Chinese language( Lei Ho Mo?). But I do also feel loved in a kind of ‘no pain, no gain’ circumstance…haha.

          So as Germaine was being insulted as she (yeah, in the English language, items which are given names are referred to as ‘she’) clung unto my side, I started wondering how different were the variations of the taste and preferable characteristic of people were. What I am saying is that Germaine didn’t just draw all negative flack from those around me, there were some good comments thrown into the mix. For example, Pastor Elijah said that I and Germaine made a good pair while Angeline and Mun Siong who were sitting right next to him said that Germaine would only look good with a girl( I remembered having to close Germaine’s ears as to not hurt her feelings).

          This incident clearly goes to show that Pastor Elijah, compared to Angeline and Mun Siong had totally conflicting opinions on the opposite sides of the scale regarding Germaine. The question is however, Which one was right and which one was wrong? The conclusion however is not a simple yes and no, there is no right or wrong in this matter as a subjective question does not indeed have an absolute answer.( For your information, I still think Germaine and I make a good pair).

          In this matter, we can indeed clearly see that preferences, albeit for style, fashion, food and a host of other things are defined by one’s own characteristics as which is determined by upbringing, social interactions and even past experiences.

          Which leads me to wonder…How great is the Lord that He has moulded every single individual on the face of this earth to be as different as the sun is to the moon( for those of you who are going…erm,what?… the sun is that bright shining ball in the sky!). You will never find two individuals who are exactly the same…be it tastes or preferences to physical attributes( Oh man, I don’t look like Tom Cruise at all…sob sob).

          As I leave you to ponder the fact that God is so great that He managed to make you truly ‘unique’ and ‘one-of-a-kind’, I’m happy to inform you that Germaine’s relationship with me is flourishing, I brought her out on our second ‘date’ ( and she carried her weight around,if you know what I mean). I’ll end here(ok,ok, you can stop throwing the rotten tomatoes) with a poem dedicated to Germaine:

          Germaine,oh Germaine, you came all the way from Germany,                                                                On flight 2375, you were destined to be with your darling(that’s me),                                           Never leave me, dear sweet Germaine, my honey bunny,                                                                                          Or I’ll be forced to buy a new bag, preferably one from Jalan Petaling

If you were to think about it…a blog sounds like a log with a ‘b’ on front. Wait a minute, that’s exactly what it is…hmmm mm, interesting?

Never one to fail true believers(wow, now i sound like Stan Lee from the Marvel universe), this will be an anecdotes of the quirky happenings of my life (but before you yawn and contemplate clicking on that little oval thing called your mouse, i promise you that it will be…).

Nah, just spare yourself the insolence and annoying rantings, click away!!!

Still reading i see…hmm mm, you’re not one to shoo off that easily eh?( unlike some people, ehem, no fingers pointed of course)

In your quest of idling away time by actually reading this blog, you’ll encounter some humorous(not to mention weird) connotations.

For example, Today, I was out hanging out with a couple of friends at Friday’s(which is the name of the makan place, not the day), when i reminiscened of the time I was hit by a lorry on the last day of my UPSR, was dancing in the bathroom(you know, pulling of some William Hung moves) and then fell down with my head hitting the toilet bowl…which led to surgery(the doctors had a field day with the humour of the situation). That’s just but a mere taste of what’s to come.If its not for God’s grace…I probably would have been dead. But alas, God indeed has a comedic sense of humour and he blessed yours truly(hey, i’m being humble here, ms and aunty!) with a bit of it too(just ask the people who constantly bully and harras me, and they find it funny>?)

Hmm, guess that’s all for now.Time to go through the rigors of another day under God’s grace. Till next time….(erm i dont really have a signature send off…soooo…)

God bless u!