Echoes of a Deranged world

On Wednesday, it was my birthday( you know, the day that signifies 9 months after my parents ‘ahemed’). I ponder at how much I’ve changed from when I was a kid. Reminiscing back then, my perceptions of romance were far from what they are today. So today, you’re all in for a little treat, I’ll be interviewing Gary 2002( a fat, plump, little pimply kid who just kicked into puberty mode, WOW, look at all those raging hormones!) So we’ll just see what a 14 year old’s perception of romance is…The following letter was written(15% heart and 85% hormone influenced I reckon), though never delivered to the girl( thank God, imagine the humiliation), I, Gary 2006 just found the following collection of letters…which shall be called, Da Buaya Code…    

Dear( name shall not be mentioned),

          How am I to express what I feel? Is it the fear of rejection and emotional turmoil which is the barrier, as if a wall, preventing me from expressing what I truly feel… but If then, the question I ask myself, what is it that I truly ‘feel’? Is it infatuation and admiration at your perfectly toned skin, which radiates in the morning sun? Your captivating eyes which draws mystery and invokes a subtle, yet attractive lure? Or could it be the way you flick your fringe up from your forehead , which seems to open another chapter in the beauty of your perfect face?

          Is it the way you are so serious that sometimes you take a joke literally and seem lost at the hidden meaning behind it, or it could be that spring in your step and smile on your face when you’re happy. It could also well be the cold stares and impending silence, with you staring into nothingness, as if at a lost for words and answers, looking like a little child lost in the mall, when you’re sad.

          All I know is that I have a desire… a need to hold you in my arms, within the confines of an embrace of love to protect you from that which may hurt you…from that which may cause your fragile heart to shatter into a million shards of glass, from that which may take away that glimmer in your eyes every time you smile and laugh.

          Oh, sweet (name shall not be mentioned), to what extent I feel for you is a task too daunting to interpret in words, but what if I ‘feel’ for you is just that, a feeling and nothing more? To what extent do these feelings border on infatuation…or that very subjective word…LOVE?

          Only time will tell, but as you depart on your journey further and further away from me…only memories of what has been and dreams of what’s to come, will be the glue which prevents my heart from shattering not into just a million pieces, but into as many as the stars in the radiant night sky

Love,

(Some stupid nickname I used…haha)

*P.S= none of the contents in the letter were altered from its original context…except for the names…haha

        Now, we have with me in my computer room, Gary 2002,in order to avoid any confusion which may arise between the present and past versions of me, he shall be referred to as Khin Jin.( If you are wondering how any of this is possible…then you probably haven’t watched Superman 3, where Superman and Clark Kent were separated into 2 separate individuals…erm, not that I’m comparing myself to Superman or anything)

The interview will be continued in the next edition of ‘Perceptions of Romance’…This is due to some comments I received that my postings were too long( so you can throw your shoe at the person who posted that!)…

Stay tuned for the continuation of the showdown between

Gary

19 years old( I can drive a car and play guitar!) and Gary 14 year old( I have loads of pimples and my body puts Moby Dick to shame)…

TO BE CONTINUED

*Translated from badly-dubbed mandarin( taken from nearly every korean/japanese romance drama shown on local television…why can’t they translate it into malay or something…oh wait, they tried that with ‘doraemon’ and it was a disaster!)

*SCENARIO 1

Girl: I love you(Cries like a baby)

Boy: I love you(Cries like a baby)

*SCENARIO 2

Girl: I Hate you!!!…*although she really love the dude(Cries like a baby)

Boy: I hate you too!!!…*although he loves her(Cries like a baby)

*SCENARIO 3

Girl: I love you but we can’t be together!(Cries like a baby)

Boy: But…but…!!!( aww, just guess what he’s doing at the moment…yup, you must be the bright one in your family….he’s CRYING LIKE A BABY!!!)

Today, allow me to bring you into a journey of exploration into the ‘disease’ which is now spreading(commonly in romance dramas where the girls are pretty and the guys are prettier than the girls). This ‘Cry Baby Syndrome’ will be aptly named ‘CBS’(so not to inflict anymore stress on my poor fingers typing away on the keyboard).

In order to delve deeper into ‘CBS’, I have with me a specialist in the field of…some scientific term which he told me yet i forgot(but i assure you, it sounded very long and complicated). Ahem, anyway, for the duration of this interview, he has chosen to remain anonymous(for fear of umbrella wielding aunties, who are addicted to the said dramas, beating the living daylights out of him).

Me: Dr, how long has ‘CBS’ been around?

Dr Buaya: Hmm, ‘CBS’ has been around eversince TVB started making low budget romance serials with even lower budget acting quality.

Me: I see…so what can you tell us about ‘CBS’, based on your research?

Dr Buaya: Basically, ‘CBS’ is a chemical transaction of molecularly enchanced hormones among two homosapiens based on the biological imprint of the genectical catalystic process which is….are you still awake?

Me:Zzz…oops, yeah, i was hearing everything you said(while wiping drool away from my face, wow, ‘warm’ drool…Mmm)

Dr Buaya: In layman terms, the guy hormone says to the girl hormone,"Yo, wanna procreate?". In which the girl hormone will be confused at the request and proceed to ‘cry like a baby’ for a while.After the period of crying and confusion passes, she will reply enthusiasticly, "Yup, Lots and lots of babies!!!". In which, the guy hormone will then be freaked out and scared all of a sudden at the task, which will cause him to ‘cry like a baby’.

Me: Wow, that’s an interesting theory…what research have you done to come up with this theory? Are your sources reliable?

Dr Buaya: Well, i have watched in detail every single episode of Full House, Winter Sonata…(and he was stating the names of all the dramas he had ‘researched’ for the next 2 hours) and finally "Doraemon cinta Germaine",just for good measure.

Me: WOW!!! i salute your bravery and courage( standing up, i gave him an army salute of respect).

Dr Buaya: It was torture…but in the name of science!

Me: Very well then, moving on to the next question…HEY!!! you can’t be in here! This is a private interview! SECURITY!!!( as a bunch of umbrella wielding aunties invaded my computer room and started attacking DR Buaya)

Dr Buaya: Ouch, hey stop it….NOOOOO!!!!!( the scream sounded exactly like Luke Skywalker’s scream when he found out that Darth Vader was his father. FYI,some of the umbrella wielding aunties were whacking him with their umbrellas while others were tickling his feet with a feather…THE HORROR!!!!)

Me: What is it that you people want?

Umbrella whacking auntie: Sui Chai, tim kai lei chow kam geh yeh? Lei Chi toe moe? Ngoe tei chung yee tai ‘drama’…hoe Seong Sam geh!( Translation= erm, my cantonese ain’t that good, but I think they were ordering for a plate of wan tan mee, with extra heplings of ‘char siew’)

Dr Buaya: Gary…(holding me as if this was gonna be his last few words before he kicked the bucket..you know, you probably watched this scene a million times on those ‘dramas’.) I don’t think I’m gonna make it…Tell my mother that I love her, and that i …i….urgh.

Time of death: Sunday 10.45 p.m

Cause of death: Tickled to death by feathers, with injuries to the butt by umbrellas.

JUST KIDDING!!!!

Nobody actually dies in my blog(although there is gonna be a recount of it …about someone who died but rose up again 3 days later…hold your breath for it!). Oh yeah, Dr Buaya quit his job after the interview and went to live somewhere in the himalayas to escape from the wrath of the umbrella wielding aunties.

So that was that, the interview ended disastorously with the invasion of the umbrella wielding aunties. In conclusion, it seems that ‘CBS’ isnt romance at all…but a marketing ploy by the media, involving large purchases of ‘Eye Mo’ to make the actors cry and using cheesy ‘background’ music everytime an intimate moment comes on.

Join me next week on part 2 of the mini-series, Perception of Romance, in order to find out what ‘love’ really is about….for now i have to go buy some wan tan mee in order to get rid of the umbrella wielding aunties…

With such an innocent and potentially lame caption, one would think that there wouldn’t be an interesting story to tell. Perhaps it is the connotation that ‘Oh, what in the world can he talk about a bag?’.

  Well, the scenario starts as such….

          My dad’s old friend came over from Switzerland to stay over at my house for the duration of a month and I applaud her perseverance .(you know, putting up with ‘over-compensating’ Malaysian manners…do you want to eat breakfast?brunch?lunch….and so on…is it just me or do chinese families practically eat in every waking minute?). Anyway, she gave me with this sling bag which she bought when she stopped over in

Germany

and in my honest opinion, it’s a delightful little thing with black and white stitching and a simple yet creative ‘airport signs’ design.

          Holding the gift as I would hold a newborn baby, (not that anybody would trust me to actually hold their newborn baby…or worse, holding my own future newborn baby…yeah, you can stop laughing now!) I actually studied it with great detail and in my mind, started to form the situations of which I would put its functions to best use…(you know, like putting stuff in it and carrying it around…).

          Fast forward to Saturday during my youth meeting( Location:

Church

of

Praise

, Objective: Having a rocking good time with God, Purpose of typing this: COME JOIN US AND HAVE A ROCKING GOOD TIME TO!). Well back to the blog, so I was casually strutting into church with this new bag( lets name it Germaine…you know, so not to hurt its feelings or anything) when I noticed that my friends were giving me a ‘look’. Now I have received ‘looks’ before, albeit not so positive ones. One would usually associate ‘looks’ with a compliment such as ‘Hey, that’s a retro looking bag’, or ‘Hey, an 8 out of 10 on the stylo metre’…but no, it’s the curse of being Gary… the ‘looks’ actually meant, ‘Hey, isn’t that a girl’s bag?’ and ‘Hey, eewww’.

          Don’t get me wrong, the youths aren’t meticulous little gremlins who dissect every single foray of fashion and the such…they are actually wonderful people who love God and that’s their main purpose of being there. But being me, they actually have a past time of deriving pleasure from commenting on the way I dress, the way I walk , the way I squat(or incapability of) and finally my lack of proficiency in the Chinese language( Lei Ho Mo?). But I do also feel loved in a kind of ‘no pain, no gain’ circumstance…haha.

          So as Germaine was being insulted as she (yeah, in the English language, items which are given names are referred to as ‘she’) clung unto my side, I started wondering how different were the variations of the taste and preferable characteristic of people were. What I am saying is that Germaine didn’t just draw all negative flack from those around me, there were some good comments thrown into the mix. For example, Pastor Elijah said that I and Germaine made a good pair while Angeline and Mun Siong who were sitting right next to him said that Germaine would only look good with a girl( I remembered having to close Germaine’s ears as to not hurt her feelings).

          This incident clearly goes to show that Pastor Elijah, compared to Angeline and Mun Siong had totally conflicting opinions on the opposite sides of the scale regarding Germaine. The question is however, Which one was right and which one was wrong? The conclusion however is not a simple yes and no, there is no right or wrong in this matter as a subjective question does not indeed have an absolute answer.( For your information, I still think Germaine and I make a good pair).

          In this matter, we can indeed clearly see that preferences, albeit for style, fashion, food and a host of other things are defined by one’s own characteristics as which is determined by upbringing, social interactions and even past experiences.

          Which leads me to wonder…How great is the Lord that He has moulded every single individual on the face of this earth to be as different as the sun is to the moon( for those of you who are going…erm,what?… the sun is that bright shining ball in the sky!). You will never find two individuals who are exactly the same…be it tastes or preferences to physical attributes( Oh man, I don’t look like Tom Cruise at all…sob sob).

          As I leave you to ponder the fact that God is so great that He managed to make you truly ‘unique’ and ‘one-of-a-kind’, I’m happy to inform you that Germaine’s relationship with me is flourishing, I brought her out on our second ‘date’ ( and she carried her weight around,if you know what I mean). I’ll end here(ok,ok, you can stop throwing the rotten tomatoes) with a poem dedicated to Germaine:

          Germaine,oh Germaine, you came all the way from Germany,                                                                On flight 2375, you were destined to be with your darling(that’s me),                                           Never leave me, dear sweet Germaine, my honey bunny,                                                                                          Or I’ll be forced to buy a new bag, preferably one from Jalan Petaling

If you were to think about it…a blog sounds like a log with a ‘b’ on front. Wait a minute, that’s exactly what it is…hmmm mm, interesting?

Never one to fail true believers(wow, now i sound like Stan Lee from the Marvel universe), this will be an anecdotes of the quirky happenings of my life (but before you yawn and contemplate clicking on that little oval thing called your mouse, i promise you that it will be…).

Nah, just spare yourself the insolence and annoying rantings, click away!!!

Still reading i see…hmm mm, you’re not one to shoo off that easily eh?( unlike some people, ehem, no fingers pointed of course)

In your quest of idling away time by actually reading this blog, you’ll encounter some humorous(not to mention weird) connotations.

For example, Today, I was out hanging out with a couple of friends at Friday’s(which is the name of the makan place, not the day), when i reminiscened of the time I was hit by a lorry on the last day of my UPSR, was dancing in the bathroom(you know, pulling of some William Hung moves) and then fell down with my head hitting the toilet bowl…which led to surgery(the doctors had a field day with the humour of the situation). That’s just but a mere taste of what’s to come.If its not for God’s grace…I probably would have been dead. But alas, God indeed has a comedic sense of humour and he blessed yours truly(hey, i’m being humble here, ms and aunty!) with a bit of it too(just ask the people who constantly bully and harras me, and they find it funny>?)

Hmm, guess that’s all for now.Time to go through the rigors of another day under God’s grace. Till next time….(erm i dont really have a signature send off…soooo…)

God bless u!